A Woman’s Gender Math

My friend sent a link with the post entitled 9 reasons you should never fall in love. This is a guy’s point of view, so I want to answer some of the thoughts that he shared. At the same time, I’ll clarify some misunderstanding about ladies.

Love can come to you in many ways, but let’s focus on the romantic phase of love. Also known as eros, we’ll talk about the affection of a boy to a girl and vice versa.

The author stated that he met a girl in his class in college. The girl sat next to him in class and they always talk to each other, share class works and exchanged emails.

She started telling him interesting things about her and they have some bonding moments after class. He said that she’s the first girl who paid much attention to him. He started to ask her out for some time, but she always refuse and tell him she has to come to work.

After two months, he discovered the fact that the she’s committed to somebody else. He could remember that she talks about the guy many times, but he never expected that he’s her boyfriend.

He decided that they could still be friends but he realized that he can’t forget his feelings in that way. Then, they talked and she said sorry for the pain that she brought to him. They cut all their lines of communication. After that he never saw the girl. Or at least they have different schedules after that.

Now, he posted this blog just to warn guys about “assuming” that a girl like them. In this case, I read some offensive statements here. We have the right to defend ourselves and I’m standing as a lady and a representative of those that remain speechless about this blog.

Before I present my rebuttal on this article, I would like to commend the author for writing a nice article. It’s an awkward feeling for a guy to talk/write about their feelings and I know he’s very courageous enough to tell everyone what he’s been through. His pointers are good and for some reasons, I agree to them. I like the way he stated his feelings and the way he used words to make the article more persuasive. Kudos Mr. Author!

I’ll post the “reason”that the author mention and I’ll place my own comment below. These are all personal opinions, so if you’re gonna post comments about these, please do it in a nice way. I believe that my opinions are my intellectual property and based on my preferences. ♥

9. Premature Attachment is Unhealthy

Most girls are sociable and always want to have someone to talk to. In her case, it could happen that she don’t want to be alone when she decided to sit on the “20 chairs available”. The fact that she sat next to you can be a start of friendship, but not an instant relationship.

Assuming isn’t bad. It’s just that you don’t have to do it too much. You can probably assume that you can build a memorable friendship with the other party, but don’t jump to romantic relationship right away. That’s really a BAD thing to do, especially in his case that they’re together for a very short span of time. There’ll never be any ideal woman, only real woman. You could picture somebody that’s like a goddess, but you probably can end up with a bad girl. We don’t know who’ll meet us halfway.

8. Differing Lifestyles

Just be yourself. Girls can have a greater chance of falling in love to true man. Sometimes you have to impress ladies, but you don’t have to sacrifice the real you just to make her fall for you. I’m pretty sure you’ll end up miserable and she’s gonna expect more from you. Both of you guys will definitely be hurt.

Friendship allows you to assess each others attitude and habits. If you have enough time to observe, you’ll definitely have the idea of what flaws we have and you’ll have the chance to think if you can handle those. He’s right when he said that guys (and also girls) can use those flaws to get over them. After seeing their negative traits and how they differ from you, you can have that “turn-off” feeling and have the reason to stop yourself from admiring the other.

7. A New Measuring Stick is Created

“How can I get better when I had the best?” Probably, that’s your question when you met your beloved. You’ll have a standard that your next girl should be like that. Reality check: WE ARE ALL DIFFERENT!

You can never find a girl that’s EXACTLY the same as your previous partner, so don’t stick to your standards. They could have same preferences, but they have different habits. It can also happen that you’ll get interested on them since they have the same traits as your previous partner, but you can also fall in love with their other traits that you haven’t experienced before. Accept the differences we girls have and you’ll understand how to fall in love with the right one. Or at least, you can already see the woman that’s destined to you if you stop focusing on that standard that your ex set.

6. Physical Appearances and Attractions Change

100% true! If you’ll gonna love us because we’re pretty and hot during our twenty’s, make sure that you can accept us fat and haggard when we already have kids. Fall in love with our personality. I’m sure they’ll never change over the years. We might prioritize the future of our kids, but true and everlasting love can fix all issues about physical appearance. “I love you no matter how devastated to look. I love you because you’re the girl who completed my life.” This is the best statement ever!

5. You’ll Never Have Complete Honesty

If you really want to capture the attention of a girl, honesty isn’t an issue at all. If you’re going to use this as a reason not to fall in love, you probably have issues about telling the truth to everyone. Sad to say, I’ll probably conclude that you’re a liar.

Honest remarks matter to us, but you have to tell it in a nice way so that we won’t get offended. I know you can do it guys. Just be honest. Honesty develops our trust to you.

4. You’ll Retain Complete Control of your Life.

When you decide not to walk the path of love and commitment, everything you choose to do in your life is up to you. No compromising necessary, no forced approval, no attending undertaken events your prospective girlfriend would want.- I agree to these statements. You can do what you want while you’re still single, but I’m pretty sure that your priorities will change when you’re already in love with the right girl. Both of you will understand your preferences and you don’t have to compromise to certain actions that’s hard for you to accept. I’m sure that financial issues can be solved the right way when the two of you knows how to understand each other.

3. She’s probably seeing someone else.

Again, friendship can give you an idea about this situation. If you’ll give yourself enough time to know the person before assuming a romantic relationship, you’ll have the best ideas if she’s into somebody else. You can also assess in her actions if she wants to pursue a romantic situation with you. Again, take time to observe and don’t jump into conclusions. If you want clarity along the way, directly ask her. Don’t just assume. :)

2. Thinking about an UNREQUITED CRUSH all the time can lead you into a Depression

If you’ll indulge yourself into misery, then you’ll never get over it. In the author’s case, I can conclude that he don’t want to let go of the pain that he suffered that’s why he’s insisting that love will only hurt him.

1. You’ll just wind up with a broken heart in the end

How sure are you? I told you a while ago, I’m different from any other girl. At the same time, she’s different from the other girls around you. You’ll never notice the lady that’s meant for you if you never allow yourself to fall in love again.

I know that we’ll all die after decades, but I’m sure that if you have joyous moments to share, you’ll never feel alone. You’ll have your kids with you. They’ll always remind you of the love that you shared for all this time. I’m sure that your love for your partner is like your love for your kids –  never ending!

To share to you, I also experienced a devastating heartbreak. I thought he’ll be my last love. I was afraid of loving somebody again and hurt myself again. I promised never to be romantically attached again, until I met my partner.

I met him when I was organizing a seminar at their place. He got my attention since he looks so good. I wanted to know him more so I researched stuff about him. His school, his family and his friends. But it just ended like that. I just know him by the few information that I got and he just knew me by my name.

A year passed and we met again. He told me his intentions, which I never believed instantly. That can be impossible, since it’s been a long time after we saw each other again. But then, I gave myself the chance to know him more. He also did the same. Our friendship was something that I’ll trade fr anything and I’ll treasure.

Until I decided to pursue dating with him. I’ve seen to many flaws, but then he got to witness mine also. We had an agreement that if any of us fall out of love, we just have to be honest and tell it to the other person, since both of us don’t want to expect for something serious.

Falling in love with him was one of the most fearful things and risks that I took. And it’s all worth it. We’re still together, through thick and thin. We have problems, but we settle it before the end of the day. You just have to understand each other and realize that your differences can help you grow.

Falling in love is a great thing. You can never enjoy its joyous phase if you don’t take risks. Get a life. Fall in love. Be happy. :)



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