Month: September 2013

6 Ways To Find Solace In Your Loneliness

Six simple tips, but beneficial for people like me who are facing some difficulties in life. It’s time for ME, MYSELF and AI again! :)

^Huntress

Thought Catalog


1. Be patient

It takes time to become comfortable with you. It takes time to get to know who you really are and understand what you really want, make decisions for yourself and feel at ease in the sweet and utter silence of your own presence.

2. Start small

Go on walks alone. Use your headphones to bring music to your ears and soothe your brain from making you believe you’re a freak for walking alone. When you feel comfortable with that go to coffee shops, libraries and parks alone.

Bring a book if you feel naked, but practice putting it down for periods of time to enjoy your surroundings, the people, the noises, and the conversations. Try the same coffee shop without your headphones. Sit at a large table, one in which you are forced to share so you meet someone new. You may even strike up a conversation…

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Out of His Life – Part One

It’s hard to let go of the things which make you happy. At the same time, it’s hard to endure the pain of holding on them for too long. This contradictions are faced by many people, and most of them end up loosing themselves just to protect their beloved.

 

It’s been a day after I walked away from him. Things were so disorganized and I always end up crying. I don’t really know if it was my fault for misunderstanding stuff, or it was his fault to misunderstand my feelings.

It all started last Wednesday morning. It started with a simple text message from another girl named Che-Che. I listened to his faulty explanation and didn’t believe it. Logically, he shouldn’t ask somebody about the location of the manager especially if she was the previous employer. She’s calling him “bhie”, a shorter version of “baby” here in the Philippines.

He exerted some effort to make me feel better the next day. He’s the sweetest again. Until that afternoon.. I was crying again, knowing that he called the girl last night while I was at work. He just left me in the room and said he’ll sleep downstairs. He walked away.

That night, I decided to make things right. If it was a non-sense doubt, I’ll stop being doubtful about his loyalty. When I went home after work, which is already Friday morning, he’s ignoring me, until I end up crying again. Before he left for his work, he hugged me tight and said everything’s alright.

Saturday went fine. I still feel something’s not right, so I’m still so depressed. It’s however my mistake to enjoy the pleasure of that night. Reconciliation sex, as usual.. I don’t know but I feel so sad after that and I cried and cried and cried. He was just there, hugging me tight and telling me to stop. I tried harder to stop crying, but when he tightens his grip on me, I’m getting more depressed, thinking that it might be the last time that I can hold him that close.

It was early Sunday morning when I checked his phone. There are four messages from somebody named Susie. The contents are flirtatious texts to him. I remembered the morning when this girl called him and called him the same special endearment. I’m so pissed off, so I decided to get the number and confront the girl. I asked for her details, name and work, but she don’t want to answer anything. I called her and just asked her again about her name and if he knows him. She told me I must ask him and not her.

That time, he’s listening to my conversation. I’m pretty sure he can see how pissed and angry I am while that bitch is on the line. But still, the girl answered nothing. He snatched my phone and checked my messages. He got furious, telling me that I shouldn’t have called the girl.

He just walked out of the door, leaving me hanging. After taking a bath, he tossed his phone to me, telling me that I should call Che-Che too to stop all my rants. To confirm that he’s not having any extra-marital affairs. However, I didn’t dare to touch his phone. I just hid myself under the pillow and continue my silent sobs until he left for work. Later, he sent a text message telling me that Sussie is his boss, the OIC of the company he’s working for. Bothered about his work, he told me that I should apologize to that damn woman!

The fucking thing about me is, I texted the dearest OIC and said sorry. She told me that he didn’t tell them that I exist. Now I know. Girls are mingling since they knew he’s free and available. Sluts! She said sorry, too. I said he knows nothing about my intention to confront her and she shouldn’t attach this issue to his work. However, I can sense the disappointment in her text message when I told her and confirmed that he’s not available.

Now, I moved out of our house, but I can’t help but think about him. I want to come back to his arms and just forget what happened. But I can’t just do that. With all the hanging questions in my mind, I can’t decide if I still want to pursue the relationship, or end it this way.

I want to believe that he can’t betray me. I know he just can’t. It’s however true that people change. Feelings change. He could’ve hidden his other girls from me when I’m not living with him. Now that every hidden secret is already discovered, we’re full of anger. We’re hiding from each other. He don’t even care if where I am. If I am safe. He never asked where I stayed since he knows that I have nowhere to run to. I’m so depressed. And it’s killing me.

I can’t wait for Thursday to come. I want to see him and arrange the conflict. I want to let him go if necessary. I want to fix the mess that I “made”. I don’t want to end this relationship just because of my doubts, but it’s clear that he can’t do anything to make me feel better. He’s turning away. I feel like he don’t like me anymore.

My friends share the pain that I am having, and I’m so thankful that they’re here. At the same time, I thank my aunt and cousins, for understanding my situation. I’m laughing. I can smile, but my heart is weeping. I can’t help it anymore. The next days will come and I’ll continue to torture myself as I prepare the things that I have to say. I have to make things fine, whether we end up together or not.

^Huntress

Celebrate Good Times, Come On!

You receive some wonderful, improbable, hoped-for good news. How do you celebrate?

There are lots of ways to celebrate a good news. Me? I celebrate in so many ways!

 

1. Eating

That’s why I’m chubby. LOL! If I have enough money, I pamper myself a little by eating at my favorite pizzeria or my choice of fine-dining restaurant. If don’t have enough budget, I just buy large fries from McDonalds, or a Lychee Milk Tea from Chatime, or a Chocolate Crumble shake from Zagu, or a beef lasagna from 7-11.

 

 

2. Hang out with friends

Well, we usually get some drinks and talk about anything under the sun.. Sometimes, we watch movie, or just take unlimited photos of ourselves. We just want to enjoy those rare opportunity to be with each other. The bad thing is, we usually end the day/night being tipsy and dizzy and HAPPY!

 

 

3. SLEEP!

Yes. Sleep. if not in the mood to go shopping, or eating, or anything else, I just lay in my bed and sleep. Working at night and sleeping during daytime exhausts me so much. This is the right time for me to take back those deprived sleep. I guess it’s helpful for my eyes. ^_^

 

 

Can’t post photos for now.
I hope I can update more posts in the next days.

 

 
P.S: Blogging is another form of celebrating! ^_^

 

 
^Ayin

Sick.. Again. :(

Oh yeah. I am sick again. I know I’m TOO careless about the food I eat and that’s the main reason why I got urinary tract infection again.(for the Nth time)

 

 

It’s funny. I’m back on being a kid after feeling severe pain again. I’m crying while hugging my pillow. I talk to my tummy and say “Please stop hurting”. LOL! Crazy, right?

 

 

But I’m glad to be feeling better right now. With my medicine and unlimited water…. I miss milk tea!! I planned to visit a Chat time store near our office, but have to postpone it due to this pain. :(

 
Anyway, I hope I’ll be well sooner. I can’t wait to taste my Lychee milk tea again! :(

 
No coffee. Just chocolate milk.

 

 
Life..

 
I want milk tea again! </3

 

 

 

 

^Huntress

Love Hurts. Love Song #2: THE LONELY by Christina Perri

THE LONELY by Christina Pierri

2am, where do I begin

Crying off my face again

The silent sound of loneliness

Wants to follow me to bed!

Refrain:

I’m the ghost of a girl

That I want to be most

I’m the shell of a girl

That I used to know well

Chorus:

Dancing slowly in an empty room

Can the lonely take the place of you

I sing myself a quiet lullaby

Let you go and let the lonely in

To take my heart again

Too afraid, to go inside

For the pain of one more loveless night

Cause the loneliness will stay with me

And hold me till I fall asleep

Broken pieces of

A barely breathing story

Where there once was love

Now there’s only me

And the lonely…

[Repeat Chorus]

———————————————-

I just noticed, we all have a lonely part in our life that will be with
us until the very end. We’ll have to be the piece of the person we
wanted the most , until we reach a certain point of healing and moving
on. If you think you’re still incomplete and trying to move on, you are
not alone.

Broken hearts because of love is actually because of the wrong decisions that
we’re afraid to make, or the judgements that we fail to analyze deeper.
We fail to admit that we need honesty, proper communication, and space.

Now there’s only me and the lonely..

It’s hard to wake up one morning all alone. The worse is, you’re feeling alone.

I’ll recover..

Just give me space..

My Sister’s 18th Birthday

Hello!

 

As my mind enjoys her vacation, I’ll be updating you with one of the best days that just passed. YEah, yeah! The title already mentioned it – my sister’s 18th birthday!

 

I am so glad and thankful to my supervisors for letting me travel to Bicol without considering me as a chronic absentee. I know I must’ve been responsible for my attendance since I’ve already made my plans, but my migraine is really inevitable. It comes on very unusual and unwanted times. Sigh. Anyway, at least I was able to organize the party for my sister, just in time for the celebration. ^_^ Thanks again!

 

To start off, we really had less time to prepare for everything. The backdrop isn’t finished. No program. No plans for the dance. It was already 2:00 pm when my cousin (Marjorie) came to our house and ask me about the program. Well, first things first. We rushed to the store to buy materials for the backdrop and readily started it. Good thing Jenaz, my other cousin was willing to help, though she’s sick.

 

This is Jastine while finishing the “backdrop”

 

While they’re working on it, my sister and her classmates (visitors) already came to the house. Being a busy bee again, I was in-charge of serving them. Well, a little bit of serving them. Hehe! Unfortunately, our secret was revealed when my sister went to the other kitchen to get the utensils.
I want to thank my sister’s classmates who volunteered to be part of her 18 candles. I don’t know any of them, but then again, THANKS!

 

 

Thanks to Mexanne too! She’s a friend who just went there to give her gift, but then willingly joined the fun during the 18 candles.

 

Well, for the main event: The 18 roses! I won’t say more. Enjoy the photos!

 

My father and the celebrant

My sister’s super supportive boyfriend. He’s inc-charge of too many things too. Haha! Thanks, Ralph!

 

UPDATE: i just noticed that we had 16 guys – including my dad. I wonder how the number of roses end to 18. Hmmm..

 

Family pictures:

 

 

til next time!

 

 

 

^_^

 

 

♥ Ayin