Month: October 2013

Hello November!


It’s November once again! Halloween parties are over and I’m sure we’re all looking forward to Christmas vacations. Well, I really want to take one step at a time. So I guess I’ll deal with one problem first. HIM.




It’s really so confusing. As in everything turns upside down. He called early this morning, just to tell me about his schedule. Just to say good morning. It’s kinda shocking and unusual, especially after the day I walked away. Usually, I’m the one who calls. And most of the time, he’s not answering them.




This made everything more CONFUSING. As in, I can’t decide if I’m still going to pursue my plans to end this relationship. I don’t know if he’s trying to fix everything between us. I just hope I won’t ever cry again. I JUST hope..




Anyway, November will be a start of something new. I’ll have my new room today. (YEhey!) Start living for myself again. Hahahahah!




Though I can already feel that it’s kinda hard to start all over again.. I’m sure I can pass this.. with God’s guidance and provision.




PS: I had the chance to have a picture with two controversial guys of my Life… The Edwards. hahahaha You guys completed my Halloween!


Me and Edward Lyndon M. Madali a.k.a R of Warm Bodies.. :)


Me and Mr. Edward Reyes



Til next time.. :)







Torment Days


I can’t continue my six days of torment ’cause technically it was extended. I’m supposed to face the moment of truth later. However, there were sudden change of plans so i have to wait until he scheduled a visit.

I know. It’s more painful. I could probably end this fucking pain if I can talk to him as soon as possible. Sadly, I can’t. I have to wait for that “next time” when I can see him. Maybe, it’s not meant to be. I guess my decision to leave isn’t right so things didn’t work out as planned.

I still have the remaining week to reconsider. He’s been acting strange. One day he makes me feel special. The other, he’s neglecting me. This is so confusing and annoying. I wonder if I can hold my sanity for too long. It seems like everything seems to fail and I don’t know what to do anymore.



I have to set aside my heart problems and deal with more important ones, for now. I just hope I can settle things one at a time, without hurting anyone. Moreover, without hurting and degrading my being.





Daily Prompt: First!

Tell us about your first day at something — your first day of school, first day of work, first day living on your own, first day blogging, first day as a parent, whatever.





Sometimes, we’re afraid of trying stuff for the first time. We’re afraid to fail. We’re afraid to take the risk. However, some of the first times in our lives are worth reminiscing.




My first day of work

It’s been very awkward. Let’s just talk about my first day here in ERI, my present job.

I was actually waiting for Jose to come but he came late. While I was at the lobby, I saw a cute guy wearing all black. He’s so adorable. I can’t keep my eyes off him. Then, two elevator cars opened. He used the service elevator and I used the other one. Talk about the chance to be with him right? I was too SURPRISED to see him inside our office. Moreover, he was my trainer. OMG! Talk about luck, eh? hahahah!

However, with this good-looking man beside me, my whole attention was captured by somebody wearing a black coat. He’s thin and tall. He looks so fashionable. He can carry his clothes well. He’s my kind of perfect. After eyeing on him, I was so sure that this office experience will be great for me.

I’m so thankful that I have this job. I’m happy to test my writing skills in a different manner. I’m already here for 8 months soon, and I guess I can still extend my stay here for long.


My first day of living alone

This job lead me to the fact that I must live on my own. It’s so depressing on a certain point, but a fun experience overall. i got the freedom that I desired. I can go wherever I want. I can visit the places that I want to without my parent’s restriction. However, there are times that I wish they’re here. Savoring the fruits of my hard work. I wish they’re here to celebrate my birthday with me at Congo Grille. I hope I can tell them I’m so tired, I want to sleep, and I want somebody to join me during meals. I have to endure the sadness of being all alone during my sick days and cold nights.

My first day was kinda weird. I had the chance to sleep all alone, without somebody waking me up. There were warm welcomes from my neighbors, but you know, I’m anti-social. I neglected most of them. Hehe! I remained enclosed in my room for sometime. Thinking that I have to stay here for so long.

My rentals didn’t worked so well, but I’m glad I had the chance to experience it in some other way. I’ve learned so much from the three rooms I’ve occupied. And now, as I’ll start again for my fourth room, I hope it can work for the better. I hope there’ll be no more thieves. No more annoying singers. And no more bitchy housemates. ^_^


My first day of blogging

It’s too weird, but I decided to start blogging after my fourth month here in my work. As I’ve told in one of my post, I’m working with blogs all this time. When I decided to start this blog, it’s kinda awkward and I don’t know what to write. Well, it’s a nice way to spend the time while we don’t have camps to do. ^_^

For now, I’m happy to have three blogs: one active, the other was a group blog, and the other keeps all my secrets. I just hope I can update all of them in time. ^_^



I guess these firsts are enough to share.. but I tell you, a lot of my firsts are tooooo interesting – in one way or another. :p








Let’s just take a break from all those emotional torture that I’ve been facing. For now, I want to feature the special persons who helped me realize that my life isn’t over after he left. ^_^


Bestfriends day


I noticed the hashtag #nationalbestfriendday and it’s trending in the Philippines for quite an hour now. So I guess a tweet isn’t enough to thank my dearest best of friends for all their efforts then and now.



First off, the girl I already featured in my previous post. My best friend who’s a very busy mom, but never failed to give time to all my dramas in life.




If I’m not mistaken, we’ve met inside TCATR. We’re not that close. We just knew each other. We just started to talk much when she asked me about a certain guy. Yeah, girls love to stalk and talk about their crushes, right? It was the beginning of our friendship that lasted this long and strong.




We’ve learned to pass many trials together. All those school adventures. Those heart breaks. Those negative feelings. We’ve been together for three years now, and I’m sure we’ll have to share our lives longer than we expected. She might have problems with my attitude, especially being a hard-headed lady, but I’m sure her love for me can allow her to stay with me until my very last breath.

Next? My other girl friend.. Llana. I don’t have her picture by this time, so I can’t post it here.

Anyway, I met her when I was still in high school. Third year college, probably. We also met in TCATR and talked about my first boyfriend. I never expected that he was her first love. Or the other way around, I guess.

She was one bubbly lady. She always get mad when I made something accidentally wrong. I mean, the intention was right, so I want to insist that what I’ve done is just right. Moreover, she’s one of those few ladies who never, EVER, tolerate my feelings and flirtatious attempts to somebody who’s not for me. or I guess somebody who they think isn’t for me. hehe!


Lastly, my only guy best friend, Bhestie Moi. Well, he’s the only guy I consider bhestie. heheh! He’s not the only guy closest to my heart, but he’s just my best friend. Nothing more. Nothing less.




He’s one of the most annoying person I’ve ever met. Yet, I can’t imagine that sometime in my life, I hoped he was mine. (That was so long ago. When we’re still in 3rd year high school.)




Though he’s busy with his internship, he was still spending some time to ask me if I’m ok. If I’m doing good. If my heart is still beating. :) Yes, it’s still beating. But then, just for myself.


Thanks to you guys!
It’s best friend’s day..
Your day..
I love you people!
Thanks a lot!




Six Days of Torment | Day 3 and 2

It’s been a long weekend and I didn’t have the chance to update my blog during the vacation. Well, main reason is I don’t want to spend money on computer rentals just to burst my rants about this thing I have to face.


Anyway, I would like to thank all those who liked my posts from Day 6-4. I really appreciate the numbers, but I ask for your comments. Share your thoughts and advice. It’ll be a great help for me. Thanks so much!



I know my previous posts served as an open letter to somebody. This time, I’ll do a narrative stuff, and I hope you’ll continue to read this. ^_^




So, here it is..


I’ll just sum up day three and two since it was a very boring weekend. You see, I stayed at home trying to figure out that the end is near. I mean, my end is near. I’m so afraid to hear his answer. I’m so afraid to ask the questions in my head. But I believe it’s necessary. I believe it’s needed. I think this is the right time for me to spill it for the sake of my emotional stability.




He’s been acting weird during these days. He’s keeping the communication open. He’s been texting all day long, and I feel like the most important person in his life for the last two days. I feel like he’s having signs that I’m gonna talk to him and give up this long term relationship. It’s so confusing. His acts are so bothering. I can’t hold on to my decision. I feel like I can’t leave him hanging there, now that he’s trying to make up with me.



Another thing is: he cancelled our meeting this Thursday. It can be my chance to think about stuf over and over again. And could be the chance to hurt myself more. My days of torment is extended. I don’t know if I can stand it for another week, but sure as hell that I would try.



For now, I’ll be waiting for the next week to come. Go and enjoy the fun of having his attention again. And most importantly, prepare myself for the greatest decision I’ll ever have for 2013. I hope things will work out right. And I pray that God will give me the strength to move on after this tormenting days.








Six Days of Torment | Day 4


I don’t want to reach the 31st of October, but I have to face the fact that it’s coming faster and faster. As everyone is excited about the upcoming holidays, I also want to finish all this fucking problems as soon as possible.

What’s more confusing, you said you love me. Again. After so long, you reminded me that you DO love me. How will I ever believe you if I can’t see any action to prove it? I mean, I can still feel that awkward thingy between us.

I almost cried after knowing you still love me. I don’t know. It confused me. I always find it hard to think that I have to let you go. What more after what you’ve said? How will I face you at the end of the month? How can I say I’m setting you free when you’re telling me you never want to let go?



Its been a while. I wonder if you can please work this out with me. It’ll be easier to decide if I knew that you’re 100 percent with me to make our lives easier. Honestly, I don’t know if I can move on with my life without you, but I’m sure I can do it. You’ve been enjoying your life without me by your side, and I’m sure, in time, I can do the same.




I’ve seen this quote while I was browsing for picture quotes today. If you like me, tell me. If you miss me, show it. If you love me, prove it.



I’ll just think about this three things as I wait for you to come and see me. Until the 31st of the month, sweetie.



Until then..












Six Days of Torment | Day 5

I forgot to include the 31st of the month for my count. This must be seven days of torment. Anyway, let’s just say that the last day of the month is my killing day. ^_^


Technically, today is our second year anniversary. I will never forget the time when you’ve given me the chance to spend my life with you. That time when I had you by my side again. That moment when you said you’ve been waiting for me to come back. That joy. That gratefulness that I felt. I am so thankful for giving me the chance to prove to you that my love is real.



Its been two years, and we’ve passed too many struggles. You’ve cried for me so many times. You’ve been hurt for a million times. And most of our conflicts are made by me, my faults, and my mistakes. (Well, that’s not really true. You just want to put it that way.)

I don’t even know why I still have to run after you. This is the first time that you’ve given up on me (though you’re in denial). I’ve known you so much for the past years that we’re together. Once you’ve said NO, you actually mean you’ll let go of it and never get back into it. I guess this is what’s left for me. Being all alone.



Honestly, I don’t know if I’ll be able to face you on the 31st. I mean, I don’t know if my heart can carry the heavy feeling of what I have to say. You mean so much to me and I never wanted to let you go. However, as I’ve told you yesterday, if giving you up is what makes you happy, I’ll be very willing to stay single than yo make your life miserable.

In my heart, you’ll always be my lover and friend. In my dreams, I’ll still be the girl that you used to love. In my thoughts will remain our sweetest moments, happiness, and hope. I never know if it’ll be the right thing to do, but in my soul, I’ll still believe that I am your lawfully wedded wife.

(I know the last statement was kinda exaggerated, but just let it be.)



My mind is decided, but my heart is battling against it.



I’ll just wait for the 31st and then see where this decision can take me.. or can take us.




I just hope I’ll have all the time in the world this 31st. All the last time with you.