Month: October 2014

A Glimpse of the Past

As we live in this world, we’ll meet different people with different personalities. Others may annoy us, while others take a special place in our hearts. Let me share how a person changed who I am today.

It was 2004 when he was born. He was the new center of attention and the most adorable person in the community. He was always wanted, always longed for, and always cuddled. He is my youngest brother.

Months have passed and he was rushed to the hospital. If I’m not mistaken, my parents spent a wekk or two at the provincial hospital ’cause doctor’s have been repeatedly administering laboratory tests to my brother. They went home with a depressing news. My brother has a heart ailment, and he’ll never live longer without a heart surgery. And he never had one.

We want him to live and grow old. We all wanted to. However, we don’t have enough funds to support his surgery and medications. Moreover, my grandmother was against the surgery. She was tellingĀ  us that the surgery might worsen the condition. My little brother might die as soon as the surgery took place. And so life goes on.

He lived like a delicate glass. Everybody in the compound has the responsibility to take good care of that little child. We’re helping hand in hand in order to extend his life, in order to keep him relaxed, and in order to keep him breathing.

He lived for four years and eleven months. Those years were full of fun moments and heart-pounding adventures. I’ll never forget the adrenalin rush I felt every time he was catching for his breath. How I could run to and fro my father’s house to our house just to get the oxygen tank for him. I’ll never forget how I suffer in carrying him even if he’s big enough to walk. I’ll never forget those remaining Sundays of his life where we both go to church and attending Sunday school. I’ll never forget his favorite menthol candies and the songs that he used to sing. I’ll never forget the way he smiles and the way he makes us laugh.

He was also married. Married to a guy who was 8 years older than him. That’s what he wanted. That’s what he requested. Hahaha! Those people who knew what happened in this funny situation will never forget how happy and excited he was while he was getting dressed up for his big event.

When he died, I’m not beside him. I attended a bible study somewhere, and I went home with that devastating news. I just saw him laying on that bench, frozen, and sleeping. Sleeping for the rest of our lives. He was already dead.

It has been seven years since he died, but his memories were still lingering in my mind. All the happiness that we’ve shared. All the sacrifices that we’ve made. All the pain of losing him was still with me. All the guilt of being away from him during his last minute was still with me. I’ve been carrying the burden for the past seven years.

Without him, I’ll never know the meaning of “Live your life to the fullest.”

Without him, I’ll never knew how to be strong.

Without him, I’ll never knew what “sacrificing for your beloved” means.

Without him, I’ll never understand what it means to be a family.

And now that he’s gone, his memories will remind me that life is beautiful. All the moments with him makes me want to take all the risks just to enjoy every minute of my life. To laugh like there’s no tomorrow. To love like I’ve never been broken. And to help even if I’m troubled.

I wish you were here, my dearest bunso. We love you, and we’ll always love you.