…who does not know if she’s strong enough to be independent anymore;
This, too, shall pass.
You started this journey with a mind full of questions and a heart full of doubts. You walked on the city streets without any hesitations, then eventually found yourself fitting in their puzzle. You started to walk on your own no matter how bright the sun shines or whenever the moon guides your path.
You worked and slept daily, and that routine was the one that kept you going. You’ve been the most boring lady in the universe but you don’t fucking care ’cause sleep and your income makes you extra ordinarily happy.
You used to have friends, but then your schedules and your relationships tore you apart. Well, you never felt bad about about being all alone. It is your piece of heaven. You never cared about being all by yourself.
You usually talk with your family whenever you got a chance. You can give them a portion of your income whenever you have some extra savings or whenever you are not in the mood to stay drunk.
And then you fell in love.
You were so into that man and you devoted all your life to serving him like the best housewife. You stayed with him, washed his clothes, cooked his meals, and made him happy.
But then he broke your heart.
And you were dragged back to square one.
You started your journey again without someone to look out to, without any emotions. You were aching but you still have to move out of the house and work for the day. You show your smile to everyone while no one knows how you’re breaking inside. You started to admire people even if you’re not actually sure what you liked about them.
You filled your rest days with a lot of ice creams, pizzas, pastas, books, movies and even Korean novelas. You declined any invitations to go out from your friends and you decided to stay at home and drunk yourself to sleep.
Until you moved on. You decided that you have to move on.
So you switch passion from eating to reading, and you did a lot of dancing (instead of sleeping) while your windows were tightly closed.
You decided to call your former classmates and check out their lives, thinking you can find any ways to be happy again.
You decided to share your blessings and inspire others through blogs and stories.
You were most productive during those hard times, and people see you smiled a lot.
You were still crying yourself to sleep, but you’ve had more reasons to stay awake at daylight.
You fell in love again and you felt like this is the beginning of your happily ever after. You found someone who supports you in your passion for books, the one who willingly walks the aisles of the wedding expo with you, and the one who plans your future with a family and with cute kids.
You thought you were already back to your old happy self.
But then you knew what he wanted to do with his life. You realized that you were not up for long distant relationships and you were not up for another set of days being all alone in the house. He was still beside you but you started building walls between you and protected yourself. You know you loved him, but then there were things that you could never understand.
But you, for the sake of love, supported him. You helped him in pass all the hardships in his applications and you encouraged him to push through and achieve his dreams.
And he did. He succeeded.
Now that he’s doing what he wanted to do, you were left with more questions left unanswered and emotions that make you feel insane.
You were wondering what could have happened if you gave up on him before everything even started, and before he proposed the happily ever after that you’ve been dreaming of.
Now, you were all alone during the cold night, just waiting for a call to complete your day. While you’re talking, you realized that you long for the tight hugs, the warm smiles, and the sweet kisses. You wanted someone to hold your hand before you sleep and the one who’d kiss your forehead when you wake up.
You absolutely value the physical intimacy between you and your partner.
And now, here you are, trying to pretend that you were okay when in fact you don’t know what to do. You simply wanted to let go and move on. You simply wanted to start a new but you don’t know where to start again. You were shattered into pieces and you couldn’t find the piece to overcome the pain you’ve been enduring.
You wake up in the morning without feeling anything. You end the day like a robot being programmed to do things.
And I should remind you, this shall pass.
It is the right decisions that usually break our hearts, but they were those who will make you feel peaceful.
It is painful and you might be okay for sometime, but you will get rid of those nightmares and fears of being killed by an anonymous person.
It is depressing at first, but you will eventually learn to deal with loneliness and you’ll know how to overcome the guilt.
You’ve been through a lot, strong woman. Never loose hope on this situation. Don’t give up.
You might have a tough day today.
I am sure you’ll have the happiest day soon.