Sensitivity

Honestly, I don’t know how to start this crap. I know I’ve been insensitive for some moments of my life and I know there are times that I have to control my malicious thinking. My recent encounter with somebody just made me realize that I have to control my thoughts and better left some words unspoken.

Things are getting complicated, that’s what I thought. The emotions are getting deeper, I guess. Or I think I was just giving a chance to believe that there’s something going on. I have to stop this crazy admiration, I just can’t fight noticing his every move. My eyes just enjoy looking into his face while he’s sleeping and my ears just admire the sound of his voice.

I never expected that this will turn out this way. I was happy to be so away from him before. I was happy that I am a few stations away from him. But now, things changed. It seems like as he became nearer and nearer, there’s this spark that I never wanted to end. I wanted to stay beside him. I want to stop working and just stare at his face. I just want to, but I am not allowed to.

I have to go back to my senses. I’ve been dreaming all this days that this man can come to me and change my plans. I have to be sensitive again. I have to be reminded that I am already committed and I don’t want to break another heart due to my impulsive decisions and sudden appreciations. Well, I have to go back to my reality.

By this time, I am asking myself, “Why do you have to met somebody that will change your mind after you’ve decided to settle down?” Hard question, right? There are times that you can be bothered, and think that you don’t have to stop the feelings. I say, it’s your choice.

First thing is, you’ll never give your full attention to other gorgeous man if you’re already engaged to someone. Unfortunately, he’s really that captivating that you can’t stop seeking his presence in your busy day. It seems like you can’t work properly if he’s not around. Or it’s like you can’t concentrate and be productive without his good comments. I tell you, that’s really terrible and you immediately have to stop that line of thinking. It’s the right chance to stop that shitty imagination and start focusing on what you really have to do.

Second, you have to tell yourself that you are not available anymore. There might be cases that other won’t care about this, but I believe this is important. You have to accept the fact that you’re supposed to be a loyal partner and you’ll stop flirting and seducing somebody else. I know I am thinking this all the time (and had so many sticky notes that reminds me of this) but I am really frustrated since I sometimes forget it. I’m too bad, I know. But I think my funny obsession with this guy isn’t as worse as sleeping with somebody else’s boyfriend.

I guess my eyes should be amputated and be thrown in fire since I really can’t help but stare at him. Well, to stop this non-sense staring, I am thinking that my boyfriend is a lot more handsome than him. My boyfriend is a lot more masculine than him. And that my boyfriend loves me more than he can love me. (I know, the last four words in the previous sentence was totally b*llsh*t, but let it be. Haha!)

After reading this post, you might say I am such a nuisance. I am annoying. But this is a testimony that there are unexpected things to happen in your life. They just come in the most unexpected moment and can give you lots of confusion if you allow them to linger in your mind. I know this is kinda confusing and I might be sued after this post, but I know that I am still the same me devoted to my fiance. Maybe, I’m just enjoying the thought of being a teen again and making fun out of the term “Office husband”. :D

Anyway, thoughts are already jam-packed in my head and I don’t  know what to do. I guess, I just have to remember that at this kind of situation, ASSUMING ANYTHING will make the situation worse.

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Lonely Huntress and the Office Husband